two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
