He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
