Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
