And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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