The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
