I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
