you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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