So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize