Define "chronic" masturbator.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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