why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i drank out of a bidet.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
