$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
