____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
dude i'm inner monologue high
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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