Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
