So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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