Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
