I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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