so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
