Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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