I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
