TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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