how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
