The maid of honor just puked.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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