i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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