you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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