so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
