I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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