Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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