cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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