how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
