I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
