At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
