After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Is it because I queefed?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
