U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
