You just made me feel so damn special
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize