im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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