I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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