I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
this will be a night to untag.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
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