Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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