We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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