he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
