Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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