did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
