And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
