I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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