Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
