Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
