i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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