I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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