I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
