Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I know her cup size but not her name....
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
