Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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