sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
