i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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