i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
