Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
