Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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