I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
this must be what syphilis tastes like
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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