I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Pants are for mortals
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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