seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
He's a Shit stain on my heart
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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