Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
