With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
