Pappa wants mamma naked
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Randomize
