I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
