At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
