I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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