We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
