When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
