Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
