just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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