Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
