i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
