After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
