party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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