I want to make a zoo with you.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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