Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
