I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
