Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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