And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
