Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
