i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
