If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
