It was confusing and full of hummus
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
