i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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