we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
