Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
