saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
