If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
