Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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