In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
