I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Found the puke drawer
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
