she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
