i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
