I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize