nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
