i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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