Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
