How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
P.S. I can't hear my feet
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
