My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
