I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
