Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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