Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
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