toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
