i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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