i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
