god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Boobs speak an international language.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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