Hey man sorry I got all grabby
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize