How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Text me some of your sweat
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