Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
