Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
