dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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