I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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