We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
