Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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