Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
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