I hope mine doesn't look like that
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i wish my penis had a tongue
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
