census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
