I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
